


Colors

by sunflwers



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 08:59:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17443859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflwers/pseuds/sunflwers
Summary: renjun had always loved beauty. he found such a peace in it, looking at it, weighting it in his mind. he longed for it, even though he knew it was ephemeral. that’s why when he had met jeno for the first time, he didn’t try to forget about how the sunlight had hit jeno’s eyes just right for them to be like warm honey, or when he had smiled when their hands had brushed. he was sure delicacy like jeno would fade away, with time.





	Colors

renjun had always loved beauty. he found such a peace in it, looking at it, weighting it in his mind. he longed for it, for the colors that were leaving his brushes full of paint to the sunsets that would bring golden light to his bedroom on the third floor. he was most at peace when he was witnessing what he found beautiful.

 

yet, he knew this was ephemeral. nothing lasted for long, even less beauty. flowers wither, butterflies die, people grow old or you become to notice their flaws with time. you can never win with artistry. that’s how it was.

 

that’s why when he had met jeno for the first time, when he had seen his eyes sparkling and shaping into crescent moons when he had laughed, when he had said his name so effortlessly, when renjun had found him breathtaking, he didn’t think much of it. he didn’t try to forget about how the sunlight had hit jeno’s eyes just right for them to be like warm honey, or when he had smiled when their hands had brushed. he was sure delicacy like jeno would fade away, with time.

 

and, he swears it, he kept the longing low, the craving of exploring jeno’s mystery in a small box very deep in his brain; trying to be completely forgotten. renjun knew better than play with people’s feelings. fully aware of his passing infatuations with people, he couldn’t make them think he was worth it, because he could never feel love like they had wanted him to. and so he never said anything to jeno, he kept it locked away, a secret kept in the very depth of his mind. and he planned on keeping it like this until he’d stop finding him beautiful.

 

and he doesn’t know when it hit him. when he noticed, months after it started, that it wasn’t like it used to be. the longing was even more present, the peace of mind he felt was ever so calming and his beauty, his beauty was still as ethereal as it had previously been. maybe it was in the simpler times, when their hands met and jeno locked their pinkies together, (renjun didn’t even try to seperate them, feeling all giddy inside) or the blush that creeped on the boy’s neck when jeno said, so nonchalantly and with a never dying smile: “you’re staring again, silly.” (renjun really tried not to react, he swears) that it changed everything. that his appreciation for pretty things stopped and became something much stronger. something he never felt before and yet seemed to know all the tricks to it already.

 

“renjun?”

 

“mhh?” he answered half awake.

 

“man, you’re staring again.” jeno said with a small smile, looking through some old paintings renjun had done.

 

the boy was sat on his desk, hands dirtied by paints and his brushes laying on the side of a white canvas. he had paused for a long time, shamelessly looking at jeno and taking in how his skin glowed under the sun or how his focused face would scrunch up once he saw something he couldn’t understand or how it lit up when he found something he liked. he was glad it lit up most of the time, it added warmth into the room somehow.

 

“you got something on your face, dummy.” renjun answered and he knew he was lying, obviously trying to keep some cover.

 

“i do?” jeno’s little interrogating voice made renjun’s heart flip but he kept a straight face.

 

he took some paint on his finger, stood up and with a small grin, pulled jeno close to his chest to put some blue on his nose, right above his little mole. jeno’s groan was loud but renjun’s giggle was even louder when he pulled away to avoid jeno’s wrath.

 

“now you do!”

 

“renjun!” jeno whined but he couldn’t keep the smile out of his face.

 

jeno was colorful for sure. and not because he always had different hair colors (the black one with green strands was renjun’s favorite and he prays for a time where it’d come back) or because the blue on his nose suited him heavenly. renjun had always wanted to draw him, but felt internal guilt eat on him because he thought it was like not asking before taking a picture. and maybe kind of creepy too. he didn’t want jeno finding all of his paintings and seeing him weirded out  or worst: disgusted. even if deep down, he knew he wasn’t like this and he probably wouldn’t mind, maybe even be flattered. he was the kind of person who felt like warm yellow, powerful orange and soft blue. all of them at the same time. and right now, he felt like the feeling the color warm honey gave off. way too sweet.

 

“say renjun, why do you paint so much, mh?” jeno asked while scrunching his nose on some abstract drawing in the notebook. 

 

“mh, let’s see…” renjun said while thinking of a good answer. “i guess,” he took some brushes and let one of his leg on the chair before looking back at jeno, “i like pretty things? i want a way to keep them close to me, you know?”

 

“why don’t you take picture, though?”

 

“it wouldn’t feel right… beauty is an abstract things. i can find a flower pretty and it wouldn’t mean you would have to as well. painting is personal, it comes all from here,” he pointed at his head as he arched his eyebrows, jeno looked without ever breaking eye contact, “my drawings are a display of my vision of beauty. i think i capture it better this way.” 

 

jeno hummed in return. he didn’t say anything more, looking away, and renjun, sort of missing already the feeling of jeno’s gaze on him, turned around. the air in the room became thick, filled with unanswered questions. and he knew they all came from jeno. the boy wanted to ask more but for some reasons didn’t. renjun tried to ignore it, he wasn’t one to rush people, but once it became clear jeno couldn’t sit still and renjun couldn’t focus on anything but jeno shuffling behind him, he turned around. with a mildly annoyed huff, he asked:

 

“what’s wrong?”

 

jeno seemed taken aback and quickly looked away. but a few seconds later, he looked at renjun again.

 

“would you… paint me?” he asked, a slight blush warming up the tip of his ears, “you can say no if it’s… weird or like i’m not pretty enough!” he quickly added and and renjun almost scoffed at how dumb the thought of finding jeno anything but beautiful was.

 

he took some time to think about it, his eyes avoiding jeno’s as he was fidgeting, keeping his hands busy with his brushes.

 

“sure,” he added finally, flat voice as to not give in any nervousness.

 

jeno put his lips in a thin line and nodded some times, slowly, as to process what he had just asked.

 

“ok, so, sit on the bed behind you-”

 

“wait, now?” jeno interrupted and renjun lifted an eyebrow.

 

“yeah. i’ll just take the stool and place it in front of you so i can have a good look at your face.”

 

“don’t you already know my face by heart with all of the staring you’ve been doing?” jeno teased and the boy’s ears became bright red, not betraying any embarrassment on his face, even though he was dying inside.

 

“shut up, dummy. let’s just get it over with.”

 

_ get it over with. _ this made the room a bit more stiff. jeno lost his easy going smile and plastered an awkward one instead. renjun slapped himself internally for sounding so annoyed at something he had dreamed of doing but couldn’t because of guilt and fear. his walls just immediately built up again when he noticed jeno doing a step forward to him. the tension was obvious in the room, the only sound being renjun’s brushes and jeno’s little hums of some song he probably listened to coming to renjun’s.

 

after ten minutes, jeno let out sound, like a groan and renjun lifted an eyebrow at him. he saw jeno moving furiously his right leg up and down by lifting his heel. he seemed anxious, and renjun had to stop because the feeling was rubbing off on him.

 

“what?” he suddenly said and jeno jumped a bit before meeting the boy’s eyes.

 

“can i see?”

 

“see what?”

 

“the drawing!”

 

renjun scoffed.

 

“it’s not over yet. only ten minutes passed, barely did the form of your head…” he mumbled and jeno let out an over dramatic sigh, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

 

suddenly, he sat upright and his eyes lit up, like they always did when he saw something he liked. he looked at renjun, which one felt a bit squirmy being at the center of the boy’s attention.

 

“talk to me about yourself! i feel like you know me by heart but i know nothing about you,” he pouted and, yeah ok, he was cute, “the only thing i know, is that you don’t like cats-”

 

“YOUR cats,” interrupted renjun and jeno’s pout became more obvious.

 

“mean. so… will you?”

 

renjun chuckled and centered his attention back to his painting while humming a positive answer. he could hear jeno’s deep voice go to the high pitched tones for a little and soft victory cry before he heard some hands clapping. he shook his head while grinning, because he was the reason for such positivity in the boy. he took a deep breath and, as he took some more paint, he started talking.

 

“mhhh, i guess… i guess drawing and painting have been a hobby of mine for a long time. i draw my vision of things, like i said before. it has been a… coping mechanism? maybe?” he wondered to himself out loud and and jeno hummed, “i was always doodling in class when i was a kid. it was usually moomin,” he chuckled and jeno did too, “and it would take my mind off things, you know, when i arrived in korea. it was sort of hard, i was almost all alone and not speaking korean at all. i had to learn fast, and adapt myself. i was lucky enough to become friends with you, jaemin, donghyuck, mark, chenle and jisung. chenle and i understood each other well on that aspect, i guess. but drawing was my way of expressing myself for a while since i couldn’t really do it in any other way. i think beauty is something that should be expressed. everything can be beautiful, i liked to draw new stuff i saw here, or flowers i saw on my way to the practice room. made me feel at ease.”

 

he kept on venting and jeno grew quieter and quieter in front of him. his hands were still working and his mind was going at one mile per hour, looking at jeno and then his canvas. after ten minutes, he stopped himself.

 

“and yeah, that’s it.”

 

“that’s very interesting. you see beauty in everything. i looked at some of your drawings and recognized some places i always thought as ordinary but you drew them like it’s the most precious things ever.” jeno added, with a slow nod and renjun shrugged.

 

“beauty is ephemeral, i gotta keep it in here somehow.” he pointed to his head and then smiled.

 

jeno grew quiet and serious.

 

“so, with this drawing, you’ll remember me, right?” he said, looking down on his fingers, swallowing hard his nervousness.

 

“well, i wouldn’t forget you anyway. we’re friends!” renjun added quickly, he didn’t want to give anything away but jeno was tempting him too much.

 

“ah, yeah,” he chuckled, a sad smile on his face, “friends.”

 

renjun knotted his brows together but decided to not ask anything. he continued painting for a few minutes, not talking and focusing solely on the drawing. jeno didn’t try to start any new conversations and stayed quiet. after a few moments, jeno stood up when he noticed renjun smiling contently at his own work, brushes reposing on his lap.

 

“you’re finished?” he asked, as he stood behind the boy.

 

“yes! i hope you like it.”

 

it was just jeno sitting, but the background was full of colors and some flowers were blooming at his feet. his eyes were closed and he seemed at peace, but you could see some faint smile on his pink lips. he looked like he had been from another realm, something more than he actually was.

 

“is that how you see me? that colorful?” asked jeno, with apprehension.

 

renjun blushed. he gave it away without realizing… jeno put his hand on renjun’s shoulder and lowered his head to level with the boy. renjun could feel his hot breath on his neck, and he was too close for renjun to think straight. his heart was beating fast and his stomach was doing flips. he couldn’t admit it but he had to: jeno may have been more than an ephemeral thing.

 

“y-yes?” he stuttered and it sounded more like a question. “i mean, you’re a pretty cheerful guy,” renjun quickly added with a small chuckle.

 

jeno didn’t laugh though. as renjun was holding his breath, the boy touched the painting with his fingertips, feeling the paint sticking to them. he didn’t say anything for a good few seconds, which were undeniable dreadful to renjun whose heart was almost exiting his ribcage.

 

“that’s… beautiful, injun, (this nickname did ravage to renjun’s heart) i can’t believe you see me like this.”

 

“i can’t believe you don’t,” answered renjun right away.

 

he mentally slapped himself the minute jeno finally made eye-contact and lifted an eyebrow. their faces were so close, their noses almost touched.

 

“is that so?” jeno said in a teasing way and renjun groaned a bit, closing his eyes.

 

“don’t read into it, ok? i admit it, i find you sort of attractive…” he mumbled the last part but seeing jeno’s wild grin, he guessed he heard it anyway.

 

“THE renjun finding ME attractive? it may snow today,” jeno said and renjun had to chuckle at it, shaking his head, “you are too.” he quickly added. 

 

renjun hummed, and their eyes met after what felt like hours. their proximity felt like miles but too close at the same time. from there, renjun could clearly see jeno’s little moles, how adorable they were. and how sparkly his eyes were. how it looked beautiful, no sign of disgust or hatred when he looked at renjun. only joy, the rumour of a laugh and an unknown promise, something secret that renjun desperately wanted to find out. his eyes naturally, almost too much, lowered to his lips. how soft and pink they looked. jeno noticed, of course, and smiled a bit. he lifted his heads to renjun’s face. unsure and nervous, he softly touched his chin, and renjun let him. he didn’t want to hold back anymore, didn’t want to fight the longing anymore.

 

he got closer, until their lips almost touched.

 

“may i?” jeno asked, politely, and renjun smiled at that.

 

here he was, waiting for the whole mystery of lee jeno, the beauty and delicacy, the one he had never dared getting too close to. in his own bedroom, his own stool and the cold air of autumn entering. he finally gave in to the craveness and the curiousness and jeno asked him if he was allowed to kiss him? if anything, renjun should be the one asking.

 

“just kiss me already, silly.” 

 

and their lips finally touched. it was soft, warm and a bit nervous. renjun’s heads went on jeno’s, his heart beating way too fast and his stomach doing so many flips he thought he’d definitely get sick. when their eyes met again, he noticed the mole under it, still found it endearing, noticed the sparkles in his eyes and still found it breathtaking. he still saw jeno in yellow and soft blue, still could find galaxies in his irises. he was still artistry, even maybe more because he was smiling wildly as if he had just won over the world.

 

“you’re beautiful, jeno.” 

 

“you are too.”

 

maybe renjun found beauty in something else, something like love.


End file.
